Upstate, downstate.

I am vacationing Upstate. When I say that, you automatically know where I am. Because no other state in the union refers to their geography in terms of up and down. If you lived in Vancouver WA and were planning a holiday in, say Cle Ellum, you would never say 'Bill and I are going upstate for the summer, its so much cooler!" Even though it is both Up and cooler, it just isnt done. Our colleges have names like University of Washington Or Puget Sound University, UW Upstate or WA University Downstate. I dont know why NY abandons commonly known terminology like North and South in favor of baby language, but I suspect its the lack of relativism. I.e. there is only Up and down because nothing outside of NY exists, so there is no need to describe it in terms that would elucidate the layout of the state for someone who doesnt live at some degree of Up or Down. I mean, what is up to someone who lives in Colorado? Albany? Plattsburgh? Poughkeepsie? Yonkers? Coxsackie? Is it all up? Is some further down? Correct answer? WHO CARES ABOUT PEOPLE FROM COLORADO?
Its the same with the City (which in and of itself denotes a lack of relativism since there are MANY cities, and one city should not be able to call itself THE city, its unspecific and unfair and yet...) if you're in WIndsor CT or Bangor MA, Is 79th and Third Uptown? It is not.

And, everyone vacations. Its interesting, I dont remember people who weren't teachers or students, having summers off to Hampton or Upstate themselves. Everyone goes to the same places too, its all the Hamptpns or Fire Island. By 2015 the Catskills will be seasonally completely inhabited by Park Slope, since they're too "brooklyn" to go to the Hamptons, (dont want to encounter their old neighbors from the Upper East or West Side who think they're crazy for buying in an outer borough and wont let their kids play together anymore for fear of gang influence,) and cant keep their 2.6 kids who've never heard the word "no," in the car long enough to get to the Adirondacks. August is NYC's best month, if the amount of people disbursed throughout the state and city were to stay that way throughout the year, it would be getting voted Americas most livable city. Of course it would be interesting to see the heart of the financial system try to eek out a living relocated to Lake Placid but, theyre clever. They could figure it out.

So, I am in the tiny "town" of Onchiota (definition of town, bunch of houses and a place to buy firewood) just north of Saranac Lake and about two hours south of Montreal. We rented a great house with a view of a lake, totally rustic decor, a grill and firepit and a kitchen with a dishwasher. Ahh convenience. Its lovely. Another plus is that the Olympics are going on and since we are so close to Canada, we get to watch the Canadian coverage which is SO much better and less annoying than the US coverage. First of all, it covers all the athletes not just the celebrity ones and not just the American ones. The american coverage doesnt even focus on the person winning gold, just whoever is most famous and in camera shot. Secondly, the announcers (while they may sound a little Gay) dont revel in every deduction and every misstep. In fact they often dont say too much until the end when the excercise is finished and they assess what they think was good and bad about it and where they hope he/she will place. They also dont insert whispered and nonsequitous comments about the athlete's past or family such as (hushed tones) "Yee Kuan's grand parents are mountain rice farmers and he spent summers farming in the paddys until he was seve...oooh, his back was arched there, thats gonna cost him!" Ugh! It is so annoying! It makes you think " and what do YOU do?? Mr announcer man? whens the last time you executed a triple flip in the air, kept your toes perfectly pointed and didnt make a splash entering the water??? Shut up!

Yesterday Bens mom and I went shopping in Lake Placid because it was overcast and had rained so hard the night before that all the trails would be mudslides waiting to happen. Lake placid absolultely sucks, unless youre looking for mood rings and lake placid sweatshirts, but they have the only movie theatre in the area and we got a hot tip about a sale due to boutique owners going through a nasty divorce and I picked up a couple of those stupid pairs of jeans with altruistic sounding brand names that everyone in the City wears and pays $200+ for a song. Breaking up is hard to do. We grilled delicious shrimp, zucchini, peppers and corn (which I prepared like Elote, that cuban style corn on the cob that gives mayo its only reason to exist outside of egg salad.) As an aside, going Upstate can refer to either a vacation or a prison sentence. Those are the two industries north of Albany. Good times. The people up here have lots of extended driveway/yard projects going on. And there is more than one house on our "street" with a big rig pulled up to the side. Its owner operator country.


All in all we arent doing much up here and I didnt even bring my scissors, no hair for a whole week. I dont know when that has happened in the last three years. It feels great. Ben and his mom both sleep in endlessly. I am so used to getting up for golden girls that nine o clock feels like noon. Im officially old because I brought my own breakfast cereal and eat it even though I have endless time to make eggs or toast or eat pie. No, I couldnt even risk my cereal type not being available, I had to bring it with. its only a matter of time til i bring my own tea and a week-by-day vitamin dispenser. And I bought a mouth guard. What?

I have been working A LOT over the summer...let see, i guess the last time I wrote was right before I left for Florida. Good lord I hated the place we shot in Florida. Seaside. Its where they filmed The Truman Show and its some kind of white seperatist encampment. It looked like the place was bought as a set at pottery barn and assembled onsite. All the houses have names like Yachts do, and you can shop and eat at the restaurants barefoot. I have pictures. It was creepy as hell. I felt like the only thing missing from the town square (there was a town square) was a gallows. I had a good time with the crew, since we all knew each other from Cabo, but it was the last shoot we did for them since they are SCRABBLING to save the brand and have taken on all new management who bring on all their people and decide that different is better. Ah well, one door closes and another one opens.
There has been plenty of Macy*s, which has actually been fun. The galumphing Art director was actually on set herself so we could get away with a lot more since it wasnt just people afraid of what she would say making the decisions.

I assisted a woman who I havent worked with in a while on a mind numbingly boring Verizon stock photo shoot, the photographer was great but they were getting the "hispanic family with blackberry" "black man with young child and PDA" shots and everyone is to look really natural, like they did their own hair, etc. I did get to go to a really nice studio at chelsea piers where I had never been before. Its where they shoot all the Vickis secret ads.

I assisted a couple of new folks on a somewhat annoying Missy Elliot for Adidas photo shoot. She did a call for teen spokespeople for her Respect ME campaign so our job was to do the hair and makeup for the ten winners of the contest who had been flown in from all over the world for the shoot. The first day we got there at 1145 and were told that we should go and come back at four. Apparantly Missy has social anxiety so we were kept on a seperate floor in the red bull offices. THe closest we got to seeing her was her dogs, which were small, yippy and shut in an office wearing diapers. Eew.
We came back at four, the girls came in at five and we had 20 minutes to get them all ready for some candid shots with Missy. Thats five mins per girl, and they are teenage non models. Ok. We hardly did anything and then couldnt be on set so were dismissed. I made 350 to work for 20 mins. What a weird industry. THe next day was a real shoot, and the girls had so much fun. It was all their first time doing anything like this so it was their fifteen minutes and they loved us. The people I was assisting both really liked me. It was the first time I had ever worked with a straight male stylist on set. He's this really deeply tanned and buff know it all Aussie surfer guy whose hair skills are greatly out weighed by his ability to make the women want him. Hilarious. But he was fun to work with and has an-all fun-all-the-time-attitude which is much appreciated on set. Except by the makeup artist who was this tiny, somewhat older, goth woman who actually wanted some guidance and organization from the producer and creative team as to what they wanted the girls to look like. His "no worries, we'll make it happen, its all good!" commentary was not helping her nail down whether they wanted a teen look, a model look, a natural look etc. That was somewhat funny to watch, though frustrating for both of them Im sure. :)

Im gonna go finish my tea and enjoy the fresh, upstate weather. Bye!