Slogans

Slogans captivate me. Not just slogans like "I won't be undersold!" or "why buy a matress anywhere else?" (which is so incredibly stupid!!) or even "Now you've got a friend in the Diamond business!", but any emblazoned phrase designed to catch people's eyes and make them remember you, your store, your liscense plate frame, your hat etc. It started about a month ago when I was walking to my car from the Dark Village management offices. I refrained from walking through the lot because Ive been so frightened IN the car about the level of drift in people's driving at the village that I thought i should start staying in well marked areas as a pedestrian, lest I find myself branded with the telltale interlocking rings of an audi grill. So my new path found me walking lawfully past Land of Nod and crate and barrel. For those of you unfamiliar with the new friendly face of corporate conglomeracy (new word perhaps?)The Land of Nod is a creepily named store which sells only things for children and their bedrooms. Its very overpriced and for the children of women who decorate their homes to match the newest pottery barn catalogs. SO, the whole storefront is blue and white with "fanciful" designs and "endearing" childlike questions and comments painted over the windows. The one that left me gaping and started me on this sloganquest was as follows. "Mommy? When I count sheep, should i count the clones?" For the purpose of writing about it, ive been trying to put my finger on exactly what was so mindbogglingly bizarre and inane about this one and I cant quite...it has something to do with the grossly adult humor(lessness) of this supposedly naively childlike question, something to do with the disturbing idea of imaginary sheep clones and little children being so familiar with genetic engineering that they ask such a purturbing question in the twilight hours before drifting off to sleep. In any case, I stood gaping at it for a solid 10 minutes before preceding to the elevators, depressing the button marked with the pink cow that moos when it gets to floor "C," (A dog barks for D an elephant trumpets for E...you get the idea. its pretty charming)and sitting in my car shell shocked before winding down the Seatac style roundabout back to the street level. They chose that style of exit because the public was so concerned with the big ugly garage being built that they included a clause in the lease which promised a "shaft of light" would come through every floor. And it works boy. Id live in that garage if i could. My car, by the way, hasnt run the same since I let the grease monkeys at jiffy lube change the oil. First of all, they have this policy of taking out your air filter and asking you if you think you need a new one. I dont fucking know, isn't that why theyre paying you to be here?? Do YOU think I need a new air filter? Ive never seen an air filter before, they could be supposed to be purple for all i know. He said it was decreasing my gas milage so, hes the freaking expert right? it looked only slightly grey to me but there was a feather in it, and hell I dont know! Like I said, it could have originally been purple and faded to white through excessive use. So he put a new one in and left one of my vacuum hoses unplugged. THat makes your car die at any speed under 15 when you stop accelerating. There I am, gunning the thing in neutral hoping for a light change before the car dies and some overeager ponytail freshman communications/forestry major in her mom's volvo slams in to the back of me. WHen I talked to max, he said he changed the filter like a week and a half ago. Damn! I got suckered! I called them and told them what happened, after max fixed the vaccuum hose, and they said theyd refund me my $ from the air filter if I came in. I did, and I also suggested that they drop their policy of asking customers if they thought a new air filter would be a good idea. He said "yeah we like to leave it up to you." I told him if I wanted it left to me id change the damn thing myself and if i didnt need their expertise I wouldnt freakin be there in the first place. He said he could see what I meant and they revisit that in the next staff meeting. Id like to be a fly on the wall at a Jiffy Lube staff meeting...One more car related thing, I got home to a huge box from none other then The Lexus Empire of Evil Assholes: Bellevue Chapter! Well, I declare, I thought to myself. Havent heard from them in a while. Apparantly a guy named Earnest Laslaw had a stereo that didnt operate properly so he sent it to them for repair and they, with their distinctive flair for efficacy in customer service, promptly sent it to me. My name, my address perfecly spelled and zip coded. Its understandable, after all his last name does start with an L. I called and told them that Im sure they remembered me and I wouldnt be so much as stepping six inches out of my way to get the thing back to them so theyd have to call me and pick it up if they want the thing back. No word from them. I think my old friend Jason from the parts department would rather eat the cost of a new stereo than call me again. Hahahah!! Anyone want a probably non functional lexus stereo and disc changer?

So, slogans. Since then Ive been keeping an eye out. I saw a man with a white hat with black lettering which said simply, and with no punctuation "Out seeking crime" . A motorcycle cop with a smiley face ball on his antenna had a plate frame that read "grim reaper." And how about Ludacris' t-shirts that I saw at the Luda/Eminiem show that said in huge block letters "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY." Which probably would have shocked me (especially since the majority of people wearing them were tiny teenage girls who had them on like dresses,) had I not seen the t-shirt classic at a Guns-n-Roses show in 1989 that said "SHUT UP BITCH." Revolutionary. Then there are leigons of bumper stickers that almost make you want to rear end a body just to destroy the stickers. A couple come to mind, " Live simply so that others may simply live," "Our cries of grief are not a call to war," so neatly designed into a little 4x4 window cling. There seems to be something irresistable about marketing oneself to the public all the way from the corporate to the individual, we have to tell anonymous onlookers what we think about things or what were up to. Im certainly not immune with my vanity plates. Its an interesting phenomenon. Ill be keeping a running list from now on, I have a couple more good ones in the car Ill post soon.

RL was good this week, I got to cut Pradeep's hair off at 5:15 on thursday. Becca oversaw which was great cause he had very long and VERY curly hair which can really back fire on you if you make a couple false moves. It was cute. so much cuter than they ponybun. It was a challenge, hair that curly is so sculptural. you have to kind of cut yourgeneral shape and then carve into it to get the texture and weight that you want. Friday was my birthday, I was at school. Ms Alexander brought me a card and pictures from the Ebony Jet show, Colette brought me flowers and Ms V sang me happy bday over the PA. I stayed after to get a couple extra make up hours and got a rollerset. Looked alright, but GOOD LORD THE DRYER!!!! I Cant beleive I put my clients under there like its not a terrible punishment. Its like a little tiny head hell! A perfect little hell bonnet just for your head! And the girl who did it took a long time rolling it and used way too much setting foam so they never dried all the way and fell within a couple hours. So SO not worth it. A fun experiment nonetheless. Other than that, not much to report. Its kind of sad how not interesting or funny what happens at Robert Leonard is. Just one wealthy white person after another. I think I've met every wife of every big time real estate developer and contractor in Seattle. Mmmm...new money.