Does it get better than...

ASS IMPLANTS??? You heard it here folks. This must be some sort of pinnacle. The additudinal-hearse-chasing-welfare-scamming-"depression-suffering" dominican assistant at my work got ass implants. She came in talking about how she had had some surgery so she was a little sore. I never would have believed i could be like this but i didnt want to get into any kind of conversation with her so i didnt ask what kind of surgery it was! Oh god, i have really turned some kind of corner. Anyway, then I heard her talking about how she just had to wear this supportive garment and she couldnt sit down and i remembered how a few weeks ago she had brought up (at the same time as she justified never taking her 2 year old outside of her apartment building, the daycare is in the building, by saying that she suffers from depression. I understand, I said, but there are things you can do to bring yourself out, "No I cant! its not that kind, I suffer from it!" Ok. You do that then. Like the doctors told her she suffered from depression and the word suffer became part of the diagnosis, an insecapable sentence) her complex, that everyone in her family had a round ass and she had a complex because hers wasnt as round so she wanted augmentation (she didnt say augmentation.) I told her there were somethings i think are too stupid to talk about and that was one of them. Kibosh! But, apparantly she has some benevolent doctor friend who could see that her only problem was a less than protuberant gluteus reigon and if she could just remedy this tragic deficiency, why her life would become hunky dory! She was quick to tell us, with great frequency, that it was "jus a leequid. Its naht a beeg one, she jus use a leequid so it chas to charden den das all, im done. no liyke facking bres' implans or like nasty when dey cut chor skin, now das nasty! Dis is jus a leequid." Yeah, alright. Its hilarious. And whats more it looks exactly the same to me. I would never have noticed.
I had a client today whom I met at the Bryant Park! She called me to do her cut and color and I met her at the salon after the useless time wasting kerastase ed meeting where I was again struck, like I was in Ms Kendra's class first quarter, by peoples lack of understanding of how to learn, how to remember things and lack of brain hooks to hang information on. There are two conditioners, one is a deep nutritive one and one is a quick refresher for dry after sun hair. They two are called Creme Richesse and Gelee Fraiche. I did not have to look that up. Can you guess which is which? I think I could even if I hadnt already undergone intensive training. Not so for the staff at Lo****a! That was a 20 min discussion which ended in confusion and just needing to move on for the sake of time. I am not exaggerating. Its made worse by the total naivite about marketing, people really search and look for why certain products are in certain lines and why youre supposed to use one product only with the others from its line, why the containers are plastic and so forth. The answer to these questions and almost any other ones you can come up with about high end shampoos (i mean cleansers) is "because they can make more money that way." WHen the educator all but said that, "well alot of these decisions are made by marketing," people looked crushed! Like a integritous luxury company like L'Oreal would never sacrifice quality or customer loyalty to pad the bottom line! Never! Sacre Bleu!" Gag me with a spoon!
Anyhoo, I did this womans hair, brought her back to a cool brown from a reddish color which she hated and some nice long layers, nothing fancy but she loved it and it was fun. I cant wait to not be an assistant. I finally got whatever stupid paperwork I need from WA state so Ill be taking the test this next week when I get home. If i dont pass, ill hurl myself into the Gowanus.
Mahdis got to see the sick, sick Mother Daughter combo yesterday when she came in for a blowout. They were on pretty decent behavior, but their appearance alone is alarming as hell. And the already homeless countenance of the mother was accentuated by a dingy white neckbrace that hung loosely around her stocky shoulders just tight enough to exacerbate the double chin. Mahdis' hair looked great though! And i bought new shears and got to try em out on her first! Theyre awsome.