What a Great Song

Yellow Brick Road by Bernie Taupin for Elton John was obviously about being sick of high society new york (or perhaps London...same crap, less Jews.) I mean, vodka and tonics? Hello! The ultimate bougie drink! As he so poignantly points out, it can really make you want to go back to hunting the horny back toad! Anyhoo, that one verse just popped into my head when I was writing that other Goodbye Upper East Side entry so i googled the lyrics... credit where credit is due. What a great song!

When are you gonna come down
When are you going to land
I should have stayed on the farm
I should have listened to my old man
You know you can't hold me forever
I didn't sign up with you
I'm not a present for your friends to open
This boy's too young to be singing the blues
So goodbye yellow brick road
Where the dogs of society howl
You can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plough
Back to the howling old owl in the woods (now who knew he was saying that??!!)
Hunting the horny back toad
Oh I've finally decided my future lies
Beyond the yellow brick road
What do you think you'll do then
I bet that'll shoot down your plane
It'll take you a couple of vodka and tonics
To set you on your feet again
Maybe you'll get a replacement
There's plenty like me to be found
Mongrels who ain't got a penny
Sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground

The Happy Farmer Comes Home From Work

The Biodata entry, which I thought was hysterical, garnered a lot of wonderful responses. Thanks to those of you who showed concern for my self worth. It comes and goes, you know, like everything. Its good, I think, keeps you humble and doing the internal work that it takes to keep you on the right path in these dark weird days. Its very challenging to keep clear what is real and what is marketing, especially in NYC where so much of the city is made up of marketing and you start to think that that is what you wanted in the first place, and what you wanted is actually...impossible. Its a very shapeshifty place, New York. My dad wrote me a wonderful letter after he read what I had written. He has a strong sensibility about what is real and what is a thin illusory veneer apt to fall away and leave you at any moment. I remember one of his car lectures, which stands out as being personal to our family and not topical (ie about a specific orchestral peice or composer.) It was about the family being like a ship, that each person on the ship has to do their job and make sure that everyone knows what the other one is doing and by all working in unity, the ship sails smoothly, but if one person isnt doing their job then the ship can become lost at sea and be unable to reach any destination, leaving the family adrift on a deep and uncompassionate ocean. At least thats how i remember it, it may not have really been that metaphor at all...but i do remember some kind of boat analogy. Dad, do you remember what that was?? Anyway, he is also wonderful writer, so Ive posted the letter for you to read. He loves me a lot, I dont think Im on the Gandhi level just yet. But perhaps you can see past that and feel a little more secure in your own priorities and accomplishments. I did. Oh yes, The Happy Farmer Comes Home From Work was a piano peice my dad played at his first recital when he was little, how adorable. It sounds Zen. When have I felt like playing a little tune as come home from work? Its been... a while. But its key, being happy with simplicity is key! We can all be Happy Farmers, just have to lobotomize that marketing absorbent lobe of our brains and come back to whats really going on: Love and Compassion.


My dearest Vivi,
I have often told the story of my tucking you in when you were
three, switching off the light, and then being stopped at the door by your
question, "Daddy, why is life important?" The answer I gave then, which was
the only answer I was capable of giving, was that all living things seem to
want more than anything to continue living. Thus, we must conclude that
life is important. It was true in a hollow, non-commital sort of way, but I
am able to do better now.
Your latest blog entry suggests that you are questioning the value
of the way you have spent your time up to this point, and feeling that
others have done more or done better. Let me remind you, my dearest
daughter, of what is true, or at least confirm what you already know, which
is that love is absolutely the only thing that gives meaning to our lives.
Love is the benevolent extension of ourselves into the lives of others, and
the willing acceptance of others as inseparable parts of ourselves. You
have always been one of the most loving people I have ever known. It
animates everything you do, and provides the impetus to everything you do.
You have lightened and enlightened the lives of everyone you have ever
closely touched, most especially those of me and Mommy and Ariel, to whom
you are our sun and moon.
Your Grandpa got up early every weekday morning for thirty years,
leaving the house by 6:00, so that he could be at his office by 7. After
getting home just in time for dinner, he would disappear again into the den
for up to two hours, making calls to customers for their weekly orders.
What remains of all that labor? Who besides me and Nana remembers it or
cares about it? Who would cry to learn that my Dad was dead, if that were
all he ever did? In fact, however, many cried at the news of his death, and
continue to mourn him, because of the love he showed constantly both to
those who were close to him, and to those he had never met.
The power of Jesus and of Gandhi had nothing to do with degrees they
earned or lofty positions they attained in the government or commerce of
their day. They had nothing, earned nothing, and, by certain standards, did
practically nothing. They attained unimaginable greatness not in spite of
this, but because of it.
The material world is powerful. It wants us to feel needs that do
not exist, and then devote our lives to fulfilling them. You know this
honey, so don't feel bad because you have listened to your heart, which is
filled with good, and tried to steer clear of the false goals and cheesy
achievements the world uses to lure you into feeding its insatiable hunger
for wealth. You see all this with wonderful clarity, and express it so ably
in your writing, but I know that is always much easier in regarding other
people than it is with yourself. Take it from me, Vivi, who knows you very
deeply and loves you very deeply, that through a world riddled with pitfalls
and temptations, you have threaded your way to becoming an admirable and
powerful person. You radiate into the lives of your friends, family, and
casual acquaintances, love that will never die.
X's and O's
Dad

Goodbye Upper East Side, Where the Dogs of Society Howl, You Cant Plant Me In Your Penthouse, Im goin' Back to My Plough...

This month tested my mettle with regard to commitment and and confrontation.
As you probably know, your favorite beautician's little routine is undergoing some serious changes. A couple weeks ago, first thing in the morning, Ben was accosted by my horrible and mentally ill albanian landlord, Osman. He then called me and ranted and raved that I was not allowed to have anyone spend the night, that i had to call him if I was going to have guests, that all my neighbors were watching me and would tell him what they saw, that i was running up his water bill, that when he came to fix Amy's light fixture that the house smelled so bad that he would have to wear a gas mask if he came in again, that we need to get a housekeeper and that he would call the police on me if he saw ben coming and going again. Now let me remind you that this is the same "man" who, when informed by Mahdis that the cabinets were separating from the wall in the kitchen, accused her and her then roomate of playing hide and seek and climbing up on the cabinets to HIDE!!! Also when flying ants were crawling out from the cracks around the radiator, he told her that they got in because she left the window open, it was december. So, he is truly out of his mind. But that doesnt make it any easier for me to call him up and say hey, Os! I know you just ripped me a new asshole about your water bill and people staying at the house, but guess what!!! My sister is moving in! In two weeks! Whaddya say!!?? Luckily Mahdis gave me two excellent tips on dealing with him that led me to have a perfectly lovely conversation with him! 1. Put the phone down when he starts raving 2. LIE LIE LIE!!! Apparantly he has a memory like a goldfish and once he gets all this madness off his chest he will totally forget about it. So if you put the phone down to avoid hearing him malign your character and then tell him whatever he wants to hear when you pick it back up, he'll be satisfied and go on his way! She told him that she refinished the banister and he complemented her on her refinishing skills. HA! So, I did just that, then told him that I had hired a housekeeper and (on another Mahdis hot tip: hes really just upset about the possiblity of premarital sex happening in his apartment, I knew she was right when he started telling me about how his son has only talked to his fiancee a few times and always in groups...) that Ben and I were engaged and my sister was coming to live with us to keep the apartment in order. Ta da. He said we could put Ariel on the lease and hed charge us 200 more. Not so bad. Doable. Phew.

Ariel is here now, and its SO much fun having her here. She moved in last monday, and its perfect. I moved all my CDs into CD books (what an amazing space saver!!) and reorganized all my hair crap. I think itll be a great energy for me and Amy having her here, there was this empty no mans land room in the middle of our apartment that is now full of little ariel energy:)

Then, I had to gather my courage again this week to tell Chaim and Judah that Feb 10th was going to be my last day at the salon. I told them that I was going to Senegal to dance for a month and when i get back, Ill be looking for a job somewhere that has an advanced training program for its assistants. It was hard, cause ive put in a lot of work and time, and come a long way at that place, but I dont want to get set in my ways as a stylist before i get a lot better than I am now. Ive come as far as Im going to by just watching them, I need somewhere that will actually offer classes. If Im going to work for peanuts, sweep hair and do laundry I really need to be getting something in return!! Chaim was nice and said that if I need a recommendation they would be glad to say lots of good things about me, Judah was hurt and curt "great, good luck! have fun!" Whatever, I know its the right thing. Change is never easy. Im going to miss all of our hilarious and great clients, not to mention the other stylists, crazy as they are. It does feel FANTASTIC to be able to think "eight more days..." That place is really hard to take, as is the two hours on the subway everyday. The time has come.

Biodata

So, I just got the postcard of the show my sister Ariel is doing in seattle in the TWO WEEKS before she moves to new york to go to Grad School at parsons in graphic design. Its got a lot of elephants in it, the painting show, not Parsons (Fletch reference no. 457: Fletch:"Arnold Babar." Dr. Jellyfinger:"Babar? Isnt that a childrens book about elephants?" "I dont know, dont have any." "Children?" "No, elephant books.") and so shes donating ten percent of the proceeds to elephant rescure or some such elephantine charity effort. Good lord. I looked at it while I was helping write Ben's bio. I have to drop the Rick moniker because Court called in a favor from LA, she said every time she read the word Rick she thought of this somewhat smarmy, self aggrandizing guitarist that we knew in seattle. He had a huge gap between his teeth, studied latin guitar and was rather accomplished, and counted among his accomplishments having a wife and child in some latin american country that he had to come here to support. In essence he was like a mariachi playing migrant worker, electively. Idiot. Anyway, thats who court kept imagining me going out with, which is unacceptable I concur, so Ben it is.
So i was working on bens weighty bio wherein he did everything but tell Kool Herc to try using two turntables instead of one, I get up and see Ariel's fantastic painting, and Im thinking, what the hell would be in my freaking Bio? I dont even need a bio cause no one gives a flying fuck what ive done. Ive done a lot of crap that has nothing to do with anything else, save that its stuff thats cool and I wanted to do it and could. Lets see... what would my bio look like (insert waynes world music and cheesey video dream effect here..)

Genevieve Lapidus graduated from the University of WA in 1998 with a degree in Comparitive religion. She has since managed to keep in touch with all the people that she met in her classes, and lose touch with every subject she studied save the unique ability to call up random info tidbits which allow her to sound intelligent in passing conversation. Throughout her studies she maintained a totally unrelated job at Toys in Babeland, which was fun and hilarious. She followed her graduation by landing a job at Washington Alliance for Immigrant and Refugee Justice, where she participated in a lot of trust excercises, sustainability planning, and developed a healthy distaste for non profit jargon. Lapidus remained at WAIRJ for a year before the fact that she was massively underqualified to manage anyones office and accounting software caught up with her by way of a 10,000.00 accounting error at which point she resigned and the organization folded (due to unrelated factors.) She was sufficiently sure that the small non profit format wouldnt work for her so she got a job at a well loved jewelery kiosk in the broadway market, and hostessing at the Alibi Room (insert lots of drinking and smoking here) then left for Pakistan for two months, which was fun, and somehow mildly related to her studies in islam at UW, and much related to her aforementioned skills at keeping in touch with people.
Apon return to the states, she sold the silver jewelry she had smuggled back from india and got a job at Planned Parenthood running afterschool programs for At Risk kids (a moniker she disliked) attending stupid meetings (more trust excercises and jargon) and working with teen parents. Feeling she had found her niche, she poured herself into her job and acheived real success with the kids, the panel, and the planned parenthood staff. She also begain studying west african dance and threw herself wholeheartedly into performing and studying the rhythm. At the end of three years, she asked to be brought on staff instead of per diem at which time all her programs were cut and she was offered the irresistable proposal to do everything she had been doing but in 12 paid hours a week!!! She summoned the wherewithal to turn down that tasty proposal and decided to begin the journey/descent into beauty school. Genevieve somehow found the time to maintain several totally unfulfilling and inappropriate romantic relationships during this time, showcasing her amazing abilities to multitask. During beauty school she worked as the weekend office manager for The University Village management offices where she mismanaged company time by taking five hours a week out of twenty to write a blog detailing all the facts and foibles of beauty school life. She finished beauty school and moved to new york where she ceased doing everything that had made her feel happy and fulfulled in her past twenty years (dance, working for the betterment of society, writing, spending time with family) and got a job as an assistant in a hair salon where she convinced herself that being able to do a killer blow dry was a lifetime acheivement.

So, that about takes us up to today! Ive glossed over a few things but its fairly comprehensive. Lets see, no Grad school (the ultimate marker of smarty pants acheivement) no elephant salvation, no European tours, no foundations, no massive stock market gains, just as I thought! I havent done anything! I dont even have an IRA, or health insurance! Do i even exist?? (runs to mirror, pinches arm.) I have helped more people sell themselves, apply for things, get money, get grants, awards and acceptances, and I havent done ANY one of those things for myself in all these years!! I am exaggerating about not doing ANYTHING, i admit, but its true that I have an uncanny ability, the cycle of which seems to be showing up unflatteringly with the passing of years, to flit from thing to thing, abandoning passion for passion and becoming (oh hated curse from fran) A jack of all trades master of none!!! Sure, people like me, Im not an idiot, and i have a lot of "potential," a lot of "talent," but what for? Just living and keeping in touch with people?? That cant be enough! I have to ACHEIVE!! what is modern human life without a BIO? without a CV? without a RESUME? a WEBSITE? a GOOGLE SEARCH RESULT? You may not even exist. You might want to look!! Maybe you dont exist either! Mahdis does, Ben does, Im sure Ariel does. I think my first and last names occur simultaneously on a couple websites about swiss medical conferences where jews named Dr Lapidus present papers at the same time as Researchers named Genevieve. And I dont think the WAIRJ websites have been disassembled.

What am I hoping that exposing this tender underbelly of underacheivement will do for me? NOT SURE!!! Not at all sure. Maybe hoping that at least telling you that I know that you know
that i know will be freeing. Or maybe i intend to do something about it (which i do, thats why I havent left the salon, you remember) or maybe i just say all that to say, IM ABOUT TO DO IT AGAIN!!! Im going to Senegal in February! Will this wild merry go round existance never end? Ill be there for a month. Frannie will be there, Ben will be there, and Im not sure exactly what ill be doing but Ill be there too! Dancing, travelling, hopefully gathering some context and some inspiration. And of course hair is actually going well, I have more clients than ever, I am excited about what life post lovella will bring. And it is a new year after all. Ben and I were in Boston for New Years. We hung out with his parents which is always fun. I met his bro for the first time. In fact, we actually left the house on NY's eve because i was feeling bad that at seventeen his brother would have to tell his friends that he was watching an old pre recorded grateful dead telethon with his parents, his older brother and his girlfriend on new years. His brothers party plans had been cancelled when the hosts mom found drugs in the kids room! Party foul!! so we took him out to a party that an old band mate of Bens was having. It was pretty lame, i mean i didnt really know anyone there so it looked like a bunch of late twenties white people drinking heavily and listening to duran duran, which it was. At midnight we went into the other room where the TV was to watch the ball drop, what the hell, we were up and it was on, might as well see it. So we kissed at 12, then were talking when this big tall woman (who fran might refer to in her infinite wisdom as a "bigbird bitch") bowls into me, spilling half my glass of red wine down my sleeve. Far be it for me to begin the new year being the shlemeil (or whichever one has the soup spilled apon him) I said to the BBB "Excuse me, you have to watch yourself! You just spilled wine all over me!" To which she replied "Yeah, um I dont care? Its new years!" and turned away. I really wanted to sock her. I did. But she was big, she probably knew a lot more people there than I did, and i dont know how to fight worth a gracious goddamn. So, i just politely stepped over to her and poured the remains of my glass down her side. What could she say? Like she said, its new years! I felt a lot better about it after that. Id probably still be pissed off if i hadnt. Nothing like immediate revenge to dissipate future resentment.
Then it turned out that a friend of his brother was having a different party so we spent the next half hour laughing as we tried to follow his homie's teenage, drunken directions around boston. We dropped his brother off on a corner near the kids house, where his friend met him as he seemed to not remember how to tell us how to get ALL the way to his house, but close enough to walk there. Then we went home. It was a nice, non frenetic way to spend new years, the most overrated night out of the year.

Happy 2007 everyone, may all your dreams come true and may your biodata be long, impressive and consistant to your initial career goals. All my love.