I Can't Believe You Spiced My Hairdresser!

I guess a few years ago my friend Stephen slept with other homosister posse member RC's stylist and thats what RC says every time the guy's name comes up. That phrase kills me. Spiced! Ha!This week was nearly the end of my career as nodding yesman. I was on the verge of losing my temper after I got docked two hours for not having my assignment printed out to hand in on friday. First let me be clear about the nature of the assignment; ITS A RESUME. I spent the previous day helping everyone else write and format their resumes because mine was done and they would have been hard pressed to get a job at Shari's as a fricking fry cook. Anyway, I know i should have had it printed up but i very honestly didnt have time. I dont have time for any of this shit! And I dont think I need Ms Dolores' help getting a job! I wouldnt hire her to polish my silver (if I had any silver) let alone as a member of a salon team where youhave to spend hours in close quarters together. Is learning the objective here, or is raising one's tolerance for beurocratic mediocrity. I just know that it is in their best interest to get me to have to make up as few hours after graduation as possible as I think I may get less and less fun to work with past that point. Plus I have to pay again for every makeup hour. Weak!We went down to the Millionair's club homless to work program on Thursday afternoon. It was pretty cool I have to say. I did about 9 haircuts in an hour and a half. mostly buzz cuts but a few real ones and a bunch of beard trims. Everyone was clean, grateful and polite. All interesting characters, serious and intelligent. All seemingly sound of mind and body and quite cleanly. I turned one guy away and immediately suffered some really punishing guilt and regret. He had some small sores on his head, just from really dry and dirty scalp. I knew they werent contagious, just a little gross. I absolutely should have done his haircut anyway. But I called Ms Dolores over for her opinion on his "condition" and she told him he would have to come back when his scalp healed up. I felt like such a jerk, so spoiled. I should have put on some gloves and kept it pushin' but I wussed out. I wont make that mistake again. It was great experience and cool for me to see what the general homeless population is about. Its a wonderful facility, large and clean, serving what smelled and looked like pretty good food and with a lot of safe resources for cleaning up and looking for a job. I probably could have used the place on more than one occasion. Just kidding...not that funny...win some lose some.
Ms A, my fri AM rollerset regular, killed me this week talking about how all men want these days is oral sex. She's talking about really old guys too! Hilarious! She came in all exhilerated from telling some nogoodnik man who lives accross the street from her to go to hell. Apparantly she's finally found a guy who has had multiple bypass surgeries and a defibrulator (sp?) who never bothers her for sex and only comes over when she calls. She's never looking elsewhere. He's caucasian, which is a first for her and she says he's disgustingly wealthy. She said I remind her of her: Good looking and not hungry, you dont need 'em! You might want em but you dont need 'em. She's not altogether wrong. She also wants to hook me up with her grandson who is admittedly shy with a little weight problem..she might be closer to wrong on that one.Angie recommended me another person, to whom I gave a really really mediocre haircut. The style was good, but when Ms Dolores went through it there were so many corner and long peices. I was really disappointed in myself and Ms Dolores looked at me like I had lost my mind. WHile I was doing it could feel that I was off, I'm so damn overextended, its hard not to lose the grip every now and again. Redemptively, I gave my mom's friend Roslyn a really good curly cut, which I was proud of and a facial. Oh, speaking of facials this was a highlight; Abena came up to me while I was airforming one of my regulars (a very nice narcoleptic woman who works for SCCC. She has a hair style that was last seen on every jack in the bicycle deck and not since, and she comes in for a shampoo airform every week) and said "Ok, I have to do a facial and I have no idea what to do, I haven't done one on a person yet." So I start telling her the procedure and explaining the steps, and my regular says "let me see that name tag 'cause I dont want to go to you!" Abena says "Oh yeah, you dont want me! Im the worst!" You know, kind of a little banter. I asked when her client was coming in and she said "Oh she wanderin' around here somewhere." At which point the woman who was seated at the shampoo chair next to my station waiting for her daughter (who happened to be one of my kids from checkpoint at Aki) to finish her pedicure said "That's me, and dont worry becauseI dont want it anymore." she had been sitting there listening to Abena talk about how bad she was that whole time. It was hilarious. Abena was so embarrassed and kept saying "I can't even be mad, I wouldnt want me to do it either if I heard that." She didnt care if Abena was mad anyway, she just wasnt about to go for it. My client was so mortified. I ended up doing the woman's facial (she is Ethiopian and despite being at least 40 has the skin of a teenager, Newsflash: life is not fair,) which was fine because Sherman, our class' resident meth addict was doing her daughter's facial and even with me saying the steps out loud he used the mud mask as an exfoliant. Make sure you ask me if you come in for a facial with anyone but me, your experience could potentially vary quite a bit.
I didnt go to school tuesday but rather stayed home and cleaned my house which was, ahem, needed. It looks great and it felt so good to have the day to myself, even if I did have to spend until almost one o clock being bufetted back and forth from the DOL to the Social Security Administration office. I guess I finally got the no match problem resolved after this last five hour stint with Seattle's finest. If you think the crowd is bad at the DOL, try the SSA. Whew. Lowest common denominator city. And the woman working behind the bulletproof plexi window had the nerve to ask me, upon seeing that I was born in Manhattan, if my parents bought me a condo when I was born that I could use as an investment property now since they were so cheap in the '70's. No they didnt, nothing of the sort. but thanks for suggesting that, it hadnt occured to me. Well, I told her, we moved here when I was not even one. So she asks, did they get in at the beginning of the Microsoft stock? NO, no, they didnt do that either. Jesus, what are you trying to do? I'm already at the bottom of the crab barrel here at the SSA office, want me to try to jump the three feet to the pavement and see what kind of damage I can do? It's no accident that place is on the first floor, especially with that woman, the patron saint of missed wealth and bungled opportunity, manning the desk. Anyway, I had to go back to the licensing place and wait an eternity to show them my SS letter proving that I have the unique pleasure of being Genevieve Elise Lapidus. In a strange twist, the (very cute Morris Chestnut looking) guy behind the counter at the DOL, who has seen me almost everyday for the last couple of weeks, gave me his phone number! If I can bring a smile to the face of a WADOL employee, I can do just about anything. Hey, maybe I'll call him...at least I know he's employed

Update: Flying Seperately

So, I was suprised to find out that flying seperately to ensure at least one vacationing party's survival seems to be a pretty common practice, even among gentiles. My friends Graham and Linclon's parents both did it, and while they are salt of the earth, they are not among the chosen people. Graham, however is more neurotic than all the pedestrians on Ocean Parkway on a Saturday morning put together. I digress. Lincoln's parents just thought it was a solid idea. And of course, in the most disturbing and ironic update news my mom just happened to hear that very next day (and I think she said this was a movie, but I cant quite remember...) of a young parenting couple who made the shrewd and conservative decision to fly seperately and both planes crashed! Thats a fine how-do-you-do. If its time to go, its time to go. Ever since I came home and found the doorknob and deadbolt from my metal door sitting, intact, on my front stairs and my laptop and roomie's bike politely taken, I've felt that most precautions are useless. Plus, flying alone is a bitch. Depending on the length of the flight, I might just rather die. At least I'd have company.

In Theory

Theory with Ms Dolores is hell on earth. I spent 5 hours of classtime talking about how to write a resume. Last week is was how to write a cover letter. Fully half of our time together is spent making sure we all understand when and how things are to be turned in. At the beginning of class, as we come in the door before we even get signed in or by the end of the day...the possibilities are endless. We had a late arrival day on Thursay so that we could conduct salon interviews. I had met with Robert from Robert Leonard on Tuesday and had made sure to type up the interview with my downtime in school on Wed. I stayed up late wed night after dinner with Camille and the stylist from Aria that we interviewed, writing a cover letter and second salon interview. I dont have a printer, so I usually put things on a disk and print them at school. Its amazing that I even have time to do any of the outside work she gives us and that I manage to do it and take it seriously (or at least not laugh in her face) considering I could easily and far more effectively be teaching this part of the class. So the deal was we come in at 1230 but if we have our work done we get the hours from 9-12:30 anyway. Well, I was running a little late so I thought I would come in and get signed in on time then park closeby and print out my assignments. I put my stuff in my locker came back out and my keys were gone. Long story short, in the two seconds they were on the table, a well meaning classmate (!!!) had picked them up thinking I forgot them and disappeared into thin air (she was in the bathroom.) It took me about 10 mins to find her and get them back. So annoying, didnt have time to print the assignments, had them all on the computer though. Ms Dolores felt that that was not the deal we had made about how assignments were to be turned in and signed me in at 12:30. You already know I had Ms V change it, but the point is SHE IS OUT OF HER MIND!!! There is nothing that rubs me the wrong way more vigorously than a stickler for meaningless rules.
Thats enough about that but suffice it to say I didnt have a lot to contribute to the class discussion about how to alert potential employers that your resume is enclosed with your cover letter. You know, unheard of phrases like please see attached, or enclosed please find... things that without Ms Dolores expert advice we would be sheep among wolves. Outrageous. Counting the days. You should have heard her dropping jewels about how you can list volunetter work as experience, or the bounteous options provided to you by the word freelance. Its positively remedial. I know a lot of students need remedial classes like this, but they would have had better luck with me first quarter when my all good all the time attitude was a little fresher and more well rested. :)
Happy presidents day.

Counting the Days...About 75

It has indeed come to that. At about 1 am I sat in bed, thinking of any and every reason not to go to school, when an unheard of impulse struck me and I scrolled to the calendar display on my cell phone and counted the days I have left in beauty school. About 75. Give or take because I dont exactly know how many hours I will have to make up. It sounds like nothing and feels like an eternity.
Last week had some pretty hilarious moments. The second quarter student, Milan, whose hair I had cut before, asked me to cut it again. She wanted it shorter and punkier. We had a consultation at my station and Camille joined us, listened to what she wanted and remarked several times that she wished she were doing the cut. I almost offered to let her then but didnt, I wanted to do it cause it sounded like a neat design line and I dont get to do a lot of choppy razor cuts. Her vision was a very shattered and choppy chin length bob. The catch was we had to do the cut in the back room since it wasnt a student service day. Remember that? So, we go to the back. I cut the basic form of the cut, put in the right length and started to go into it to break up the lines and put in all the short peices that she described. Camille is sitting on the table behind me, and she said agian "God I wish I were doing that!" Which to me infers that there is something she would be doing better. Well, I want to learn! So I says, why? what would you be doing differently? She got up and started describing what she would be doing. It sounded good, so I asked her to show me. She started off showing me, and kept working around her head doing this choppy technique. I dont quite know how it happened, but she just kept cutting and cutting and "removing weight" (sound familiar? GREAT CLIPS PERHAPS?) until I realized that the bob line i had put in was pretty much gone. At that time she offered me the razor back but I wouldnt have even known how to finish the cut so I said, no you go ahead. Actually after that I left the room to go clean my station because it was almost five. Apparantly Milan finally had to tell Camille to please stop cutting and leave it. Camille was thrilled with it until she realized how upset Milan was. It was cute, and it even looked good on her but, it was not AT ALL what she wanted or asked for. It was very short, not at all a bob, and choppy to the point of being very uneven. Several lessons here. Mine were: if someone asks YOU to cut their hair, YOU do it. No matter how confident someone else seems or how unsure you are of that technique. The fact is the person trusted you to do it, and it is your responsibility. Camille's lessons (which I explained to her from the other side of the 21 and up section of the Machiavelli bar that night where we went to interview one of her friends for our Salon interview assignments) were: You MUST listen the whole time during consultations, not formulate your own vision and tune out the rest of what someone is saying. It doesnt matter how cute a style might be, if it isnt what the person wanted, they arent going to be happy. Milan's lesson...sit closer to a mirror when getting a beauty school haircut, you never know.
Now, what made this whole experience even more insane was that, as I mentioned, we were in the back classroom. That meant that the rest of the second quarter students were back there doing stuff on each other and on their mannequins. This tiny little vato girl named Marisol, was doing this large, eastside white girl's makeup. She broke out this frosted light purpley blue lipstick that she always wears and started to put it on her. The girl was like "Um, I dont think thats my color." Every day when I see the child, who wears heavy black eyeliner, purple eyemakeup and has a purple cellophane over her butt length black hair, weighs probably about 85 pounds and is so cute that none of that wackness seems to dampen her cuteness, I think to myself "thats the color your lips turn when you die." Now, why at 28 I couldnt just keep my fucking mouth shut, I dont know, but as I was cutting Milan's hair, I heard myself say, nay, turn around and say, "That's the color your lips turn when you die." She looked at me like she wanted my lips to turn purple right there as the result of my heart instantly freezing in my chest. I felt bad, poor thing hates me now. Oh well. She'll get over it. It is the color your lips turn when you die anyway, maybe itll make her reconsider when she goes to lay in a new supply.
So I think I mentioned the crackhead/meth addict contingency in the 2nd quarter class. Its made up of a couple highschool kids (Marisol and her white sidekick who has a very weird sense of humor and a boyfriend with nothing better to do than sit in the waiting area and wait for her to get out of school)then there are a bunch of black women of all ages from 55 to 19 all of whom collectively have the worst attitudes I have ever seen. Individually they are funny and unique but when they are all together they are volitile, overly sensitive, and profoundly negative. Every little thing that isnt done the rright way or is irksome in any way, which as we know happens pretty frequently around there, is taken to task as if they are the first class to ever go through it and their own self respect rests on the policies being changed for them. So annoying. And so bad for their own success, They take on so much stress over things that are totally inconsequential and dont have a damn thing to do with them. We wonder why heart disease and high blood pressure have their highest incedences in Black women?
Then there are two older white people in the class who have clearly been struggling with hard drugs with varying degrees of success for many years. I think I mentioned Dale, the one who wore the cuff tee shirt and made the comment about Mama Cass dying giving head in the CPR workshop. Gabe said Dale came in the bathroom sniffing and snuffing and blowing his nose. Gabe, already knowing the answer, asked if he had a cold. said, "No, I just did way too much crack this weekend. I have got to get off that stuff." In all seriousness. He says things so outrageous in their content or just in their idiocy that you are SURE he is joking but then you look at him and there isnt a whit of humor in his expression. The other person is a woman whose mode of dress is that of a stylish housewife in 1986, probably one who loved fleetwood mac and felt that the scrunch boot and stirrup pant was a timeless classic. You know, a lot of jewel tones. Her head is always cocked and her long hair is pulled into a ponytail and kept from her face with a...HEADBAND! She moves in that kind of jerky twitchy way that longtime meth heads and crack users or very severe alcoholics walk. She is a really special case. So while Im doing Milan's hair, Dale is trying to put Evelyn's hair into a french twist. The only updo they really teach you which they had spent a couple of full days learning. He was grabbing all her hair into this ball on the back of her head and torquing it underneath itself all the while saying out loud "you take all the hair like this and kinda twist it up, shove it under, then take pins and stick them in like this.." then he started taking pins and randomly, forcefully shoving them into the side of the hairball mass he had created on the back of her head. I was SURE he was kidding, to the point where it hadnt crossed my mind that he wasnt. Until I said "Very funny Dale, yeah thats just how you do it." He looked at me with pure confusion, and Milan looked up at me, from her face I could tell that Dale wasnt kidding and that this was something that they all had to endure all the time. I was shocked. Ms V came over to Evelyn and told Dale to watch her. She must have done the twist for him, I didnt see. I only saw that she asked him to bring in some holding spritz and he brought in oil sheen spray. I told him to go back and get the hairspray and spray it from far back. Im sure he sprayed it about an inch from her head. As she was leaving the room Ms V grabbed me and whispered "I told them (the faculty) that Im not teaching skin to this class next quarter. Id rather retire." Amazing. After 20 years of literally saintly patience. They are incredible. Writing about them really falls short, its a seeing is beleiving situation. I encourage all of you for whom its an option to come in and see for yourselves. You wont be sorry. I did Ms A's hair in her funny rollerset. Tracks and all. She loved me, and I her. Then I did Ms. E's Pedi and Rollerset. She has natural hair and so you have to use a lot of tension on the rollers but it comes out really nice. I think I understood the rollerset combout for the first time. Youre not rolling them to be curls, you comb out all the curls. There is a little wave but really its all for height and straightness. The bubble. At Ariel's show at the Sorrento, which was great, I was looking around and I had done most of the people's hair at the place. Angela's twists, Nina's bangs, Ariel, Mom, Michelle... not alex though who, as further jew proof, seems to be letting the hair at his temples grow unchecked. stayed up way too late washing and braiding Trey's hair, which hadnt been touched since the last time I did it. I went to the chapel with Mark Gibbs, lincoln and Mark's friend Val, a tiny,busty columbian girl who came here w/ him from Miami. I drank a cucumber martini. It was good. I got a letter from the DOL that said that they were unable to issue me a new liscence cause my social security number didnt match. I didnt even flich. Who knows when Ill be able to take care of that. Frannie says Im a leaf in the wind and I need to chant to make a cause so all this stupid stuff stops happening to me. Namyoho Renge Kyo? I dont know, I jsut remember it from the Whats Love Got to Do With It? Tina Turner movie with Angela Basset...it seemed to help her a lot...I dont see myself chanting. There are enough buddhist jews out there. JewBu's as my mom calls them. Somethings gotta give though...maybe Ill give it a try.

Flying Seperately

My Mom took my sister and myself to go see Kodo Drum Ensemble at the Meany Hall "World Series." Im sure whoever came up with that name is still patting him/herself on the back. They are a Taiko Drum Ensemble from Japan. For those of you who dont know what Taiko is, its both further evidence that Japanese people are alien creatures designed to do any and everything as well as that thing can be done, and proof that there was a landbrige that stretched from what is now Asia to what is now North America, and "Japanese" people crossed the bridge and became, through many trials and tribulations as well as a damn long time, Native Americans. THe similarities between the songs and dances of Kodo and those you can see at any all nations powwow are no coincedence.
If you've ever taken a yoga class, and who among us hasnt, honestly, you know what a bitch it is to be in Warrior one, even for two minutes. Well, these young men, clad either in black leggings and short kimonos or, the Japanese uniform of choice for almost any strenuous activity, the little white diaper (that reminds me of a funny story about my archeology teacher at bard...later perhaps,) stood in a low lunge while playing these huge drums, very very vigorously with large wooden sticks, arms overhead, competely sychronized with each other for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time. No sweating was visible. It was pretty amazing. They have no physical limitations, and it is incredible to see. At times it was so loud and repetitive that I fell asleep (I remember that happened to me at one of the new Star Wars movies too...whichever one had Jar Jar Binks, God it was loud.)When the three of us were on the way, in the car, paying nine dollars to park under meany on a desolate friday night in the U District, we were discussing my Sister and my mom's upcoming trip to LA. It came up cause Ariel was feeling guilty that she got to go see everyone while I had to stay here and toil in the Salon and at the dark Village. Then she did a triple toe lutz of guilt and said;
"At least if something happens, there'll be one of us left,"
(Me)"God forbid! Jesus, Ariel!"
(Ariel)"What? Its true, Mom maybe we should have taken seperate flights!?!"
(Me)"Ahahaha Thats hilarious! I cant believe you thought of that!"
(Mom) "Hilarious what? My parents always flew seperately whenever they went anywhere! Especially long flights, and when the kids were young. Its sensible."
(Ariel) "See! Why wouldnt you tell me that? Its a sound idea!! I could have easily gotten a seperate ticket!"
This is the pre-vacation conversation folks.
Today I bought an awesome barber chair from a guy in Renton. I found it on craigslist. It was 80 dollars, the chair is motorized so you just press a button and it raises or lowers, it tilts back (read great in-sink shampoos!) and its totally 70's, brown on brown on wood scheme. I dont even think they make them like this anymore and if they do, they cost scrill. Even crappy salon chairs are like at LEAST $500. I had no idea it was electric when I bought it. School is pressing on. The weeks fly by. I am having the new experience of getting "regulars," and its hilarious. Each quarter when the fifth quarter students are about to graduate, the clients who have been coming to the salon for anywhere from 5 to 20 years look around for the new talent and who they want to be passed on to. Its great because they feel like theyre passing on this amazing gift to you of getting to learn their hair, or their service. I have to say, I've gotten some pretty cool regulars. Mr Washington comes in every wednesday with his wife and he picked me. He gets a Manicure, Pedicure and a Lineup. He is an older black gentleman who landed in seattle with the service about 25/30 years ago and never left. He will crack you up with his comments about the new students as they walk across the floor with their fashion victim do's and trying too hard outfits. He is a very well manicured man and has to have everything just so. He folds his had neatly on my station the same way every time. We sit in the same pedicure chair everytime, and always use alcohol on the back of his neck to keep the bumps away after I line him up. He is great. Once a month he swaps the pedi for a facial. Ill be getting those nail and skin hours after all!Then I have Ms Napoleon. She is an elderly black lady who wears a black baseball cap with the words "high maintenance" embroidered on it in sequins. She isnt kidding. She loves to tell crude and hilarous man stories. She gets relaxer and color touchups, roller sets (she has a few tracks in the front that she was just sure I wouldnt be able to figure out...she still has some trepidation about picking me and having a white girl do her hair but im killin her with kindness, its a challenge now!)and an occasional marcel. I also gave a facial mani pedi to a woman who has been coming in the salon for 12 years. She booked me out till I leave. She owns an independant publishing company...something to keep in mind...I got her card.
I did Nellie's hair on friday, I could tell how much faster and easier it was than the last time I did it! I must be getting better. I did it with the razor, similar to Chieni's and it came out much more like what I had in mind. Her hair is so beautiful, it comes out of her head this golden color and gets natural white blonde highlights all through the front. Natural blondes are always a little amazing.
On advising day I did one of the second quarter students' hair. She has been asking me to do it for a long time but I was nervous because what she wanted was so drastic that i couldnt imagine that she really wanted it. I bleached all her hair (note to self: apply lightener to cold shaft first, let it sit and then apply to roots because they lighten three times as fast,) then colored the bottom third eggplant purple, the middle third hot pink, and the top a cafe au lait caramel color. Her hair is very soft and curly and was originally a level 2, almost black. It came out pretty well. I didnt straighten it so i couldnt see it as well as youll be able to with it all straight. The pink was the weakest spot because it was a store bought manic panic type dye and it just wouldnt take like the other ones which came out really beautifully. I was especially proud of the caramel color because I had to formulate to incorporate her undelying pigment (UP) which was really orangey yellow after the bleach. For that I had to use a beige/green based color even though I wanted it golden. So the UP provided the gold and the color toned the orange with its complement, green. I cant wait to get a different pink on there, cut it to show off the striation and flatiron it. Then Ill know how it came out for real. Not much else...did a color touch up and marcel on an older lady who had had a stroke. It came out well and i didnt burn her at all. Huzzah.
I watched Alien vs. Predator at Frannie's house Sat night before getting quite loaded on cheap white wine at the montlake house of my friend's Tyson and Brian. Their parties are always super sausage festy. But its a nice change of pace for me and I needed to blow off some steam. Then we went to a dry party stocked with Tom Douglas restaurant employees. Even endless champagne, oysters and cupcakes couldnt save that one. Alien vs Predator was rediculous, really. Those alien eggs and resulting slimy parasites that suck onto your face, throttle you, and spew their larvae into your chest cavity to incubate are unbeleivably repulsive. The spidery spindly finger legs on those things? Yech!!! HR Geiger or whomever came up with that whole movie concept is so truly sick. The predators are cool, i like how they can bee translucent and the only way you can see them is from the blood dripping off their..hands? I dont know what youd call them, theyre not really hands. I also like that they have dreadlocks. Violent Rasta Aliens!!
Oh yeah, just so you all get some closure you should know that I called and acted a fool with the Bellevue Chapter of Evil Lexus Assholes one last time. The Guy from retail parts tried to say that something must have happened to the key in the mail as he put it into the box himself. I told him that was going to be his problem as I had paid for the key, didnt have one and by all means wasn't going to accept that I'd have to buy another one. Hed have to get creative and find a way to work it out, as I was sure that he didnt want to become one more part of the completely fucked up and unsatisfying experience Id had with them so far. I asked them not to mail it and just call me and Id come and get it, since the mail wasnt too successful last time. I got it in the mail Friday, I think he was too much of a pansy to call me back after I cussed him out! WHATEVER!! How would he feel getting an empty box in the mail??? A body can only take so much.
Happy Valentine's Day all, I hope you find endless romance and love...if only with life the universe and everything, cause other people are a shifty investment.Yours Till Niagara Falls. V

Oh yeah, one more thing! Yesterday, Tiffani, you know the paragonic apex of passive agressivity who is the other receptionist at my work? She had her review in which I suspect she was ripped a new one about how she treats me. THe note leaving, the talking shit about me to other employees, the constant unwarranted criticism of my work. So she come in to, get this, make VALENTINES with me. For all the people in the office. So I had to spend three hours sitting side by side at our desk cutting pink and red paper with pinking shears to make paper conversation hearts, spelled wrong (like "yer kewl" and "bee myne," Kall mee" and "sew nyce"...her idea of COURSE) and glue stick them onto cards, all the while thinking "you hate me, I know it!! why are you here???" It was crazy. Gaslighting, its whats for dinner.

Progressively More Coarse (So, this is February...)

Yesterday started at 9:30 with Angie's hair baby fine strawberry blond uniform layer cut, then 10:30 with Brian's dense and somewhat fine blonde combination cut. 11:30 brought Ben's euro fauxhawk, medium texture, kind of like mine, but his hair is darker and has more silver. Then after lunch, Gabe Webster, Krissi's elder son, and his wife both came in. Gabe's hair is wiry and wavy and has very puffy potential. I had to razor it out a lot to get the spiky, messy look he was going for without just having it look tall, wide and eraserheadish. He looked adorable. Finally and most coarse was his lovely wife Chieni who is chinese american and had the good fortune to get to grow up in Hawaii. She has that kind of Asian hair that is like fishing line, black black, shiny shiny and thick thick. I did her whole cut with a razor, actually I set the perimeter length with shears and then did the rest with a razor. I have to admit, I suprised myself a little with how easy it was. It was essentially my haircut, which I watched Becca do in the mirror on Wed ( she did it with shears though since if you cut my hair with a razor like that I'd look like i should be begging change and nodding off on Broadway)but I had never done it before nor had I ever cut a whole head without shears. It was fun and I feel WAY less nervous about razor cuts now, and I can see that it will make a lot of the looks I am going for with people a lot faster, easier and better looking. Thats what were going for here people! Speed equals profit! Ben called me just to tell me that his cut was one of the best haircuts he's ever gotten. Warms the heart. I love this business. It's worth having to ice my right hand and wrist nightly...everything has drawbacks! We are doing self marketing with Ms Dolores now (while lecturing she switches reading glasses about every four minutes even of she's not reading anything, and peices of her hair which is still pinned back with one large bobby pin in the front, stick absolutely straight up from the sides and wave around wildly while she talks,) which meant painstakingly going through how to write a resume and cover letter (Word/tools/templates/resume wizard...its that easy) She gave us approximately 17 handouts on the subject. Then we had to write sample cover letters and read them out loud. I have written more cover letters in my lifetime than I care to think about. And gotten a comparable amount of totally undeserved jobs. I can really sell myself, boy Ill tell you. Did you know I got a job as a NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR?? Amazing. Then, I had to leave early to go to the dentist which was unfortunate not only because I had to spend the rest of the day numb of cheek (and eyeball, do they have to have your head tilted down?) but because I really would have liked to hear everyone's letters. I'm sure it was a simultaneously painful and funny couple of hours. Plus I think I could help people put themselves together well. As you know I have spent a lot of time over this last year, mainly unbeknownst to them, watching my classmates and assessing their strengths and weaknesses. Given that and my superhuman skills in writing things that make people places and things seem better, more professional, saleable and interesting than they really are, I think I could be an asset to many of my classmates. I think I'll offer them my services. For a small fee of course...:)
I went to "late night" at Rainier Beach community center. It's a comm service thing that Ms V put together where we all go down to the center, set up shop in the gym and do neighborhood kids hair for free. I ts really popular and from 7 to 11 we are turning out braids, flatirons, curls and updos on kids from 2 to 20. Some are kids of white moms who either well meaningly adopted them or fell into interracial parenting with no idea what they were getting into. Either way its inexcusable to let your child run around with matted, dry broken off hair because youre scared to hurt them, you just never took the time to learn to do their hair or you "cant afford" to take them to someone who can. Its a shame. Then there are a lot of middle and high schoolers whose hair is SO broken from at-home relaxers, braids and ponytails left in too long, and tons of cheap gel. Not that they're starving or that this is the worst thing that could ever happen, but you have no idea how important having perfect looks and fit in style are to kids in school these days. Its sick. If your hair "looks crazy" you are clowned mercilessly. And it costs A LOT to get your hair did, so unless you have an auntie or cousin or someone who can hook you up, and frequently, youre goin' out looking kinda poverty stricken. Anyway it was fun, I came late, I wasnt gonna do hair cause I was tired, I was just gonna pick up Abena whose car was dead, and drive her home. She wasnt there so I decided I might as well do one head since I was there and its only 2 blocks from my house. This girl's hair was really broken, like from two inches in places to 9 inches in others, and had so much petroleum product built up on it that my lungs are sore and scratchy today from all the smoke. But I did a tall curly style with a swoop in the front that hid the unevenness and actually looked really good. All her friends (from Aki and RBHS) were standing around talkin' about "Don't think you're cute now," and "you are not even all that so dont get a big head just cause your hair is tight." And other compliments couched in jabs, which is how "urban" girls talk to each other. God forbid you say something loving. You could see the child's whole mannerism and self confidence change when she looked in the mirror. Damn, there go my friday nights, Ill be at RB community center if you want to find me.
Get this, the other impossibly simple task I had assigned Lexus of Bellevue, in my typical high maintenance and demanding fashion, was to order me a new key to my car. A lot to ask, but I feel within their scope of expertise. I got the box on wednesday, after they had called Mon and told me it was in. On Wed Sean (my homie in Service) asked me to send the check with the driver who was coming to bring me my still unrepaired vehicle, but then didnt give the key to the idiot driver who took 45 minutes of lost time between broadway and pine and harvard and pike (!!!!) When I called him to ask if hed maybe put it in the car, he told me it wasnt in yet! I told him to check with the parts dept as they had called me to tell me it was, he was suprised, looks like the right had doesnt know what the left hand is doing over there Sean boy! So today I open the box, which you could have fit two computer keyboards and a large box of kleenex into, only to find that it was COMPLETELY EMPTY!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Gaslighting, the national pastime.
Man these blogs get long fast. I just took a pause and had an interesting and productive discussion about Gay marriage, homopobia, and Islam with the cute young afghani american security guard at Beelzbub's Village. I think he may open his mind! The essence of my arguement was love for humanity should trump who's shtupping who. No matter what it says in a couple paragraphs in the Quran about Gog and Magog, or Sodom and Gomorrah it says a lot more about not condemning fellow man and god holding judgement while man holds humility. Plus who wants to agree with Geo. W Bush about anything?Kisses.