Unfathomable

Look, I havent much time but I had to let you know!! La Flaca was spotted in the New York Post!! In the Luxury column. Thats right, the skinny, sickly, sallow, scabby, sore suffering, sycophantic society succubus was featured full length AND interviewed in a peice on dress lending for social events. You could have knocked me over with a runway model's tibia. The caption of her photo read thusly:"Philanthropist Stephanie Herckheimer was loaned this Kim Hicks gown for the New York Botanical Winter Wonderland Ball. " and in the body of the article, "28 year old philanthropist Stephanie Herckheimer has some weeks where she's going to three events, and as fashion houses now sponsor the events they tend to offer to dress the commitees. Being a sample size helps. And Stephanie is, standing at 5'9". "I was at Escada trying on these gowns and some of them are so long they must be made for runway models. What other six foot size two girls are there out there?" None Steffie, so let yourself off the hook cause you are no linda evangelista! And...Philanthropist????!!?! Land O' Goshen!!! Is that what she is?? A philanthropist? She should funnel a little of that love for mankind, that agape if you will, her mom's direction! Buy the bitch a new coat, maybe some socks? Maybe just a little...KINDNESS?? Good lord! And what about your trachea? Throw some dollars your esophagus' way before the bile wins out! As Sizzla so eloquently says; Dance a yard before you dance abroad! Shes out there sitting at round tables clinking crystal and letting everyone see who is funding what and the next day throwing up and throwing tantrums in upscale hair salons and treating her moms like a hebrew slave. Do you act like that at Escada? Would Save the Children want someone like that on their board of trustees? Go act crazy with your mama in one of the african villages youre pitchin money at and see how long you last!
And whats more, she didnt look that bad in the picture! She looked kinda...pleasant. Im not kidding! She looked alright, I mean she doesnt have a beautiful face and is so weird that she still looked a little deer in the headlights, but If I didnt know her Id think she was your average prettyish society girl. I was right about the runway chicks being that disgustingly thin, cause she looked just like them. I guess philanthropist is New Yorkese for paying your way into events that your birth class would immediately exclude you from.
You know what this means dont you??? ITS WORKING!!! She is doing it! The blowouts, the starvation, that IS all it takes! You can be totally out of your mind, sleep all day, swear like a sailor with late stage altzheimers and be a total sick dying jerk and rub elbows with the rich and famous. Wait a minute, you can actually BE the rich and famous. Did I just discover that all it takes to be rich is money? I'm a freakin genius! This may be no suprise to anyone who watched the Simple Life but its really something to see before your eyes.
As usual, Im simultaneously catching some late night TV and just cant sign off without mentioning that In Living Color just featured a sketch comedy called "Mitzvah Train: the city's premeire Afro Judaic dating service," it featured damon wayans with peahs and a big black hat and the blonde girl wearing 80's hip hop gear and big gold chains talkin about "You might find you have more in common than you think! Such as slavery and hard to manage hair!" Hilarious.