It Always Pays to be Contrarian at Some Point in a Turkish Crisis.

I know thats right! I can never get through an entire turkish crisis without getting at least a little contrarian. Who can? Isnt that sentence inane? I read that on the Credit Suisse brief of the suit next to me on the six coming home from work, at almost nine pm. These people never stop working. It was in regard to some hand over fist type investment shit that I cant even begin to comprehend. Its amazing how money has it's own language...

So, nu? You can welcome me back, i just returned from seattle where I had a fabulous time. Fabulous thanks for asking! It was filled with momentous events. I married Carrie and Drew, to each other, sheesh, Im no swinger! I also did all the hair and makeup for the wedding. It was a little hairy. I was so crazed by the time I got to get dressed and get out the house that I didnt notice that my speech and their vows had fallen out of my bag. We were already a little late. When we got to the park and I went to get them ready and they werent there, I just cant describe the feeling of ruining someone elses wedding. Carrie was a little freaked but kept it calm as usual and just said "we dont have time to go back, just wing it!" I was gonna be god damned if I was winging her wedding. That I had worked hard on the ceremony notwithstanding, improv has no place on the pulpit. I commanded Ariel, who in general drives like a grandma, to drive as fast as humanly possible back to Carries house where we had all had such a great time getting ready beforehand. It was on e of those moments where you know right where that thing that isnt where it is supposed to be is, know what im talking about? So we made it to capitol hill and back in about 20 minutes. I was DREADING getting out of the car, fearing that the wedding was ruined and carrie would never speak to me again, or worse tell me it was ok, that she knew I didnt do it on purpose. I hate that! But Drew met us at the car and said that it was good, that my f-up had broken the ice and the tension and that everyone had started visiting and enjoying what really was one of the most perfect days Ive ever seen.
So, unrehearsed, I walked down the aisle (potentially the only time?) and took my place behind the green wrought iron music stand (that makes its usual home in my mom' s living room.)
Carrie and drew and parker, the only other person in the wedding party, took their places on either side of me and i began the speech. I really hadnt considered the weight of marrying two people. Not only do they remember you as part of the wedding for the rest of their lives but their parents and familys are looking at you as bringing their most precious life work into a new stage of life. Thankfully, I didnt really think about any of that until after the ceremony was over. I had to really project since the wedding was outside but they said they could hear me in theback, I asked. It went really beautifully, nary a dry eye in the house. I will never forget looking in drew's tearfilled eyes and saying "I now pronounce you husband and wife. " It was really amazing, that feeling. I may have a new career! Also, i accidentally said Dwew once instead of drew and people laughed so it gave me an opportunity to say "Mawwidge is what bwings us togezher today!" like the speach impaired preist from the pricness bride. That was a highlight. All in all it was a very complete and satisfying experience. Maybe one of my best.

I also served as a key witness in the trial of peacock v frost (a really wonderful couple of last names to be versusing each other, if versus you must) wherein my dear ex-roomate rachael peacock is suing the insurance company of Jason Frost for the fatal (not to her, thank god) boating accident which took place when he ran his yacht aground coming through the montlake cut a few years ago. I am a character witness to Rachael (because to crack four vertabrae in your back and be unable to work full time you are OBVIOUSLY a tax evader and a crybaby depressive) as well as the only person who can really prove that she was not out drinking with the others and therefore is not at fault, cause she couldnt have known that he would fall asleep at the wheel going 20 knots or some such madness. I know this because she was driving my car from her bartending shift at linda's, she went directly to the mooring place and couldnt go back to get the car after the accident. So I had to go get it two days later after the smoke cleared. I expected to have to haggle and sob story the parkinglot attendant to give me the car and cut the barrel of cement off my bumper but, as luck, and sheer percentages would have it, the attendant was ethiopian. Since my car was regaled with an ethiopian flag air freshener and a lion over metallic red gold and green rainbow window cling, he assumed it was one of his friends cars that they left there knowing he'd leave it alone! Dancehall saves the day. I didnt even have to pay extra! Jah RAStafar-I!

The testimony was weird. Since I wont be in town for the trial, they had to videotape me to show the jury. Racheal's lawyer was easy of course, and asked me all the right questions. The lawyer for the insurance company was a shark of a woman who asked me the same questions over and over in different ways trying to get me to contradict myself, and questions that had nothing to do with the trial, or things that I couldnt figure out why she'd be asking. Like, I called rachael succesful, and she was "so did you review her tax returns? How do you know she was successful? How about profit and loss statements? So her success was really just based on heresay?" or I said I took her to a lot of doctors appointments and she was like "what is "a lot?" could a lot be six per month? Did you take her to any physical therapy appointments? you dont know? maybe a few? which doctors appointments did you take her to if not physical therapy?" All that kind of crap which has nothing to do with Jason falling asleep at the wheel and running into the shore at four in the morning! She was just trying to shake my confidence and prove that Rachael was an already psychologically troubled person who was just trying to blow this whole "broken spine, shattered collarbone and emotional trauma after witnessing someone die in front of your eyes thing" out of proportion to fund her carefree, tax evading artist lifestyle. I didnt crack. And i wasnt totally able to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, as evidenced by comments like, I dont beleive Ive ever reviewed any of my friends tax returns, but i beleive them when they say they have an income." Bitch. Then as soon as the cameras stopped rolling she told rachael how much she loved her art and would like to hang some of it in the hallway of her office "after all this is over." It was so weird. I hope my testimony does some good. Fucking insurance companies. They could pay everyone with brown eyes a cool mill and still have some left over to provide new infrastructure to multiple developing nations and theyre fighting tooth and nail over less than half a million dollars.

So as the middle east gears up for WWIII, it gets less and less tolerable to work in an Israeli salon. I have never really liked Israelis as a people, as im sure you all know, and though i will always have a soft spot in my heart for Chaim and Judah, comments like "kill them all, I only care about my people" and "we are being attacked for nothing!" make it increasingly harder to keep my mouth shut. Judah told me he wants to start me on the floor one day a week but that he cant possibly take me seriously or build me a clientele on four days a week. I would have to be there five days. Every cell in my body was screeching on the brakes, NONONONONONO!!!! I cant possible come in another day! Is it even legal to tell someone if they dont work ten hours a week overtime that they cant have their job? Arent there labor laws? Anyway I know that when I really want something I have NO problem committing my time and if I had that strong of a death before five days reaction that I really am not in the right place (what, do I need to be hit over the head with an anvil? this is news???) That said, i have a job interview at a darling tribeca salon on thursday. It really feels like I could be at home there, i met the owner today, she knows Becca and has lots of seattle connections. I dont want to jinx anything but Ill let you know how it goes! I had two clients request me at the salon last week, and i took them! Its been fun transitioning out of shampoo girl.

A social worker called the salon and asked if anyone there would come to Sloan Kettering Cancer Research center to give a little girl a pre chemo haircut. Judah volunteered me of course, which was fine. im always happy to do things like that. I packed a little bag with a cape shears a comb and a spray bottle, pondered clippers in case they just wanted it all gone, and decided that would be traumatic and unceremonius. I walked over to SKC, the UES is home to many big hospitals in a three or four block radius. I took the M bank of elevators up to the ninth floor. The ninth floor is the childrens cancer ward and is painted bright pretty colors. I found Esther, who had called and had me come, and she walked me back to the room. The mom came out carrying a really tiny and adorable little girl, couldnt have been over two, with two sloppy buns of long brown hair at the nape of her neck. "What if I cant do it?" she said immediately, and her eyes filled up with tears. I wanted a moment to brace myself, plus there were so many signs telling you to wash your hands constantly and prevent transmission of virus(including doctors wearing pins that read ask me if ive cleaned my hands) that i suddenly felt like i had millipedes and potato bug size germs on every digit. "Let me go wash my hands, Ill come back and well talk about it. " I said. I came back and she was crying, "I know you think Im crazy, but im afraid itll make her look different and Im not ready. What if I wait and see how it starts falling out and then Ill call you? I guess its my way of being in denial that this is happening..." all the while her adorable little monkey was clinging to her and looking at me with these shiny blue eyes, hooked up to a rolling IV stand by several tubes. I told her of course she could keep her hair on. If it made her feel better than who cares? Its only hair and I could come back anytime. I did say that I thought it might be less traumatic to start the greiving process in stages rather than seeing her long hair coming all out, but that it was totally her decision. In the end she couldnt do it, which was infinitely sadder than if she had, and I left, assuring her that I didnt mind walking over for no reason. I hated crying in the elevator full of doctors on the way down... Im sure theyre callous to it by now, the cancer. It happens, children get sick and get better or get sick and die. We dont have room for all of us. But it was sad anyway. She was so little and her mom was so upset. I went back to the corny meaningless salon and felt deflated and tired. Blowout, root retouch, highlights, radiation therapy...all in a days work.